Just A Little Longer, Please
by LittleInk
Summary: Kurt, still reeling from the loss of his partner, reflects on their first time and desperately tries to let go. AU songfic in which Blaine never came out and his relationship with Kurt remained deathly secret.


Asdfghjkl. I haven't written anything of quality in a long time and I attempted to tonight. My attempt failed, I have to say, because I've never written a songfic before and the words are all jumbled and it's just awkward but anyways, it's posted. The song is Those You've Known from Spring Awakening- I mean I had to, it's my favourite musical ever.

If you're feeling kind, **drop me a review****! **They make my day, whether it's constructive criticism or eh I don't know, just a note about what you thought. Thanks!

* * *

**"Those you've known**  
**And lost, still walk behind you**  
**All alone**  
**They linger till they find you."**

"Stay with me, Blaine," I say softly, skin against skin, "Just for a little while."

"Just for a little while," he murmurs in repeat, his eyes half lidded and weak, "Just for a little while."

"..You're restless."

**"Without them**  
**The world grows dark around you**  
**And nothing is the same until you know that they have found you."**

"N-no," he says a little thickly, his fingers curling around my shoulder at a tighter grip. It's all he can argue, and he doesn't pursue his defence any longer.

"The bad things can go away, Blaine," I breathe quietly, nuzzling my nose a little closer into his neck, "Just forget them. _Just for a little while_."

"I..I can't do that, Kurt. I shouldn't be here.. I should.. I should be.. gone."

I glance up at him earnestly and hold his gaze for a few moments before uttering any fumble of a sentence, my chin resting against his chest, "Then what's stopping you from getting up?"

**"Those you've pained**  
**May carry that still with them**  
**All the same**  
**They whisper: "All forgiven."**

"I.."

A small part of me twinges as his face contorts into a supple grimace, but I await an answer. The silence is awful and heartbreaking and heavy, but soon broken by a part-lipped reply.

"Magnetism," he said, the word nothing clearer than a blur, "To walk away from you.. that's not what I want.. _us_ to be."

"Us?" is all I can say.

What are we, Blaine? Why must it be so hard?

"Us," he repeats gently, unsure of the matter himself, "Everything I've ever hoped for."

**"Still your heart says**  
**The shadows bring the starlight**  
**And everything you've ever been is still there in the dark night."**

I inwardly disagree, although I say nothing, sliding my hands over his ears and muting the noises and the monsters inside that are disrupting him so. In that moment he's _my _Blaine, he's all mine, and that's more than I could ever ask for. It's almost painful to pull my palms away and rest them down once more.

To say that Blaine is 'everything I've ever hoped for' would be a relished lie and I know it. He's more, he's much more, he's everything I can't label and that confuses and frustrates me a little bit sometimes. Before that first arrival at Dalton, my hopes had been relatively safe in the topic of love- _I'll live to see the day gay marriage is approved and I'll find someone like me to share that with. All I want is a haven where I can be me without prejudice._

**"..They're still home**  
**We're still home.. there's a way through this."**

I will never marry Blaine.

Blaine will never share the things I'm willing to because his insecurities cripple him.

Blaine is nothing like me.

Prejudice is all that's pressed against us.

And yet somehow, we're still kindred spirits.

"Walk away," I swallow, our fingertips brushing, our feet tangled in a flurry of cloth and warm skin, "If you resent it. If you resent tonight, you should leave. I won't yell and break the breeze and I won't cry; I won't."

Ha, I think bitterly, _Perhaps I will cry, in the darkness._

He stares down at me incredulously, his eyes glazed over. There's a certain firmness to his voice and it assures me, in an obscure way, "I'd never resent it. Never."

**"They call you**  
**As if you knew their longing –**  
**They whistle through the lonely wind, the long blue shadows falling."**

Lips. Eyes. Skin. Fingertips. All little licking flames in the aftermath of the eruption between us both prior to our quiet conversation, and it's still a vibrant colour in my mind. Complete vulnerability.. it's euphoria, but it's frightening, and we're both suddenly left without words or answers.

"I wish I could take the hurt away, Blaine."

"But you can't," he says simply, his thumb rubbing my arm at a nervous pace, "And that's okay."

It's not okay, Blaine.

It's not okay that 'us' doesn't exist; not really.

It's not okay that a sheet under the stars is the only place that feels like home to you.

It's not okay that my heartbeat is fluttering faster than yours, and fear is to blame.

It's not okay that you're numb inside.

"Okay," I murmur all the same, my words lost to the open air, "I.. okay."

**"The sorrows your heart's known- I believe.."**

A comfortable silence falls between us, and he drops a small kiss on my temple, so brief that it's nothing more than the breeze of a moth winging past us in the velvet night. I'm the first to speak up, and it's foolish.

"Are you scared, Blaine?"

I watch him intently as he turns the sentence over on his tongue, "Yes."

"What are you frightened of?"

He shakes his head gently, rubbing a hand over his weary brow, "I'm frightened of everything."

"Me too," I admit shakily, "Yeah, me too."

* * *

_Everything's the same. The grass, the glare of the moon on the water lapping up at the hillside we called our own, the trees that were combed through with wind. The trees that caused us to shuffle closer and curl up into that silly old picnic blanket._

**"All alone**  
**But still I hear their yearning**  
**Through the dark, the moon, alone there, burning**

**The stars too**  
**They tell of spring returning –**  
**And summer with another wind that no one yet has known."**

_You're still with me, I can feel it. I can feel your breath against my skin, and it's colder than ever._

_"Hold on, Blaine, just for a little while. Hold onto my fingertips and hold onto this blanket shrouding the grass. Even if you're nothing more than the hazy smoke of a stubbed out cigarette, don't let me go. Not again."_

_"We've been through a lot, Kurt. A real mess."_

**"Still you know**  
**There's so much more to find–**  
**Another dream, another love you'll hold."**

_"I can't deal with that again. I can't."_

_"Yes, you can. I believe it so."_

_"Look at me, Blaine. It's been ten years and here I am."_

**"Still you know**  
**To trust your own true mind**  
**On your way – you are not alone**  
**There are those who still know."**

_"I don't know what you want to me to say."_

_"I want to be with you."_

_"I can't be anymore than I know how, Kurt."_

_"Then remember, Blaine! Remember what we were! Before the blood and the anguish, remember!"_

_"All I see is red, Kurt. All I see is sadness and endings."_

**"When the northern wind blows**  
**The sorrows your heart's known –**  
**I believe…"**

_"Then forget it all."_

_"How the hell am I supposed to forget when all I am is a memory? You're the one who needs to forget, Kurt."_

_"Blaine.."_

_"You're dying just to live, Kurt. And that's.. that's my fault. It's my fault that I'm gone and that you're existing in this hell."_

**"You watch me**  
**Just watch me –**  
**I'm calling**  
**From longing."**

_"Society pulled the trigger, Blaine!"_

_"But I loaded the gun! Kurt, please. Promise me, just promise me something."_

_"Wh.. what is it?"_

_"Trust me. Trust that I'm here, trust that we're together somewhere."_

**"Now they'll walk on my arm through the distant night**  
**And I won't let them stray from my heart**  
**Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light**  
**I will read all their dreams to the stars."**

_"I.."_

_"P..please."_

_"I trust you, Blaine."_

_"Just for a little while, Kurt. I'll hold you until then."_

_"Love me until forever."_

_"I promise."_

**"I'll walk now with them**  
**I'll call on their names**  
**I'll see their thoughts are known**

**Not gone – Not gone –**  
**They walk with my heart – And I'll never let them go**  
**I'll never let them go**  
**I'll never let them go."**

_His lips brush against mine once more, and he's nothing more than a whisper of the wind against my face._

**"You watch me**  
**Just watch me**  
**I'm calling**  
**I'm calling –**  
**And one day all will know."**

_"Find me, Blaine."_

* * *

Okay, I'm done. I really need to brush up on actually putting a song in a fic and I probably should've considered that first, but anyways. This was impulsive therefore it's a mental rule to post it. _Dammit Niamh. _I hope it wasn't too shocking for a post midnight effort.

Thanks again, and remember to **review****!**

Many happy hugs and klaine kisses,

Littleink. Xx


End file.
